Dinner with Friends

       Janice is a young American engineer working for a manufacturing joint venture near Nanjing. She and her husband George, who is teaching English at a university, are learning Chinese and enjoying their new life. They have been eager to get to know Chinese people better so they were pleased when Liu Lingling, Janice’s young co-worker invited them to her home for dinner.

       When Janice and George arrived, Lingling introduced them to her husband Yang Feng, asked them to sit down at a table containing 8 plates of various cold dishes, serve them tea and then disappeared with her husband into the kitchen. After a few minutes Lingling came back and added water to their tea. Janice offered to help in the kitchen but Lingling said she didn’t need help. She invited the couple to look at their new CD player and their color TV and then disappeared again.

       A half-hour later she came back and sat down and the three began to eat. Yang Feng came in from time to time to put dish after hot dish on the table. Most of the food was wonderful but neither George nor Janice could eat the fatty pork in pepper sauce or the seacucumbers, and there was much more than they could eat. They kept wishing Yang Feng would sit down so they could talk to him. Finally he did sit down to eat a bit, but quickly turned on the TV to show them all its high tech features. Soon it was time to go home.

       George and Janice felt slightly depressed by this experience, but returned the invitation two weeks later. They decided to make a nice American meal and felt lucky to find olives, tomato juice, crackers and even some cheese in the hotel shops. They put these out as appetizers. For the main course they prepared spaghetti and a salad with dressing made from oil, vinegar, and some spices they found in the market.

       When Liu Lingling and Yang Feng arrived they were impressed by the apartment and asked the price of the TV, videoplayer, vacuum cleaner and other things. Janice politely refused to answer their questions. They took small tastes of the appetizers and seemed surprised when both George and Janice sat down with them they ate only a little spaghetti and did not finish the salad on their plates. George urged them to eat more but they refused and looked around expectantly. Janice and George talked about their families and jobs and asked the Chinese couple about theirs. After a while, George cleared the table and served coffee and pastries. Yang Feng and Lingling each put four spoons of sugar into their coffee but did not drink much of it and ate only a bite or two of pastry.

       After they left, George said that at least they had a chance to talk, but Janice was upset. “We left their place so full that we couldn’t walk and they’re going to have to eat again when they get home. What went wrong?”

跨文化交流，东北大学王立婷等，中国大学慕课网，5.3 Social norm

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