1. Time order and concrete details.
2. 电子科技大学公开课：明确具体的词汇
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USE SPECIFIC AND CONCRETE LANGUAGE
3. To show more than tell
To show more than tell: is to use more specific details than general statements to show what you want to say in writing.
A Car Stopped
Which of the following sentences is the most specific?
I. A car stopped.
2. A white Honda stopped.
3. A white Honda Accord rattled to a stop.
4. A rattling white Honda Accord sputtered through the snow on the street.
5. At a red light on Broadway and Baseline, a rattling white Honda Accord screeched2 to a Stop.
To show more than tell is to write in a manner that allows the reader to experience the story
through a character's action, words, thoughts, senses, and feelings rather than through the
narrator's summarization. When applying "show more than tell," the writer unveils the character
by what that character says and does. It can be done by writing scenes, describing characters'actions, revealing character through dialogue, and using the five senses whenever possible. If we say, "Mary had a broken leg," readers cannot feel anything, but if we describe a bare bone sticking through pale skin, readers experience the pain along with the character. We all know the saying actions speak louder than words, especially telling words. When done well, showing reveals and enables the readers to feel as if they are part of the event.
4. Examples
Telling
Mrs. Parker was nosy. She gossiped about her neighbors.
Showing (Action)
One day Mrs. Parker heard a car park in her next-door neighbor Mrs. Jones' driveway.
By turning the blinds ever so slightly, Mrs. Parker could just peek through the window and
see it was a Ford Explorer. She squinted to get a better view Of the tall, muscular man getting
out of the vehicle and walking up to Mrs. Jones' front door. At that moment, Mrs. Jones
opened the door and welcomed the stranger into her home with a hug. Mrs. Parker gasped
and ran to her phone: "Charlotte, you are not going to believe what I just saw!"
Telling
Five years ago, John Meadows married Linda Carrington. Although both had grown up
in Brooklyn and didn't want to leave, John had accepted a job in Montana and moved his
young family west. He found he liked the mountains and open sky, but Linda was frustrated
and unhappy. This all became clear the night they attended a party at their neighbors' house,
Showing (Dialogue)
"I told you I didn't want to do this," Linda said as she stood beside John on their neighbor's
steps. "It's just going to be as lame as every other party we've been to since we got here,"
"You used to love parties," John said, avoiding eye contact,
"Yeah, well, that was back in Brooklyn, But Montana is not Brooklyn,"
"No." He looked at the mountains, colored flame by the setting sun, the sky he had come
to love, " Then he looked at Linda, glowering even before they went inside. In five years of
marriage, she had changed so much. They both had.
5. The RENNS Model
When writing a paper, we try to avoid using ambiguous sentences. A paper with vague
sentences will leave the reader lost and without a clear understanding Of your topic. Instead,
our writing should contain specific, concrete details to help the readers visualize What we are
discussing and hold their attention. Using the RENNS model, developed by Lynn Quitman
Troyka, can help us make our writing more specific. RENNS stands for Reasons, Examples,
Names, Numbers, and Senses.
The following example illustrates how you can use the model.
•Reasons (Why?)
General : Student parking is becoming an important issue on many college campuses.
Specific : Because of the increasing numbers of students commuting to college, parking is becoming
an important issue.
•Examples (What?)
General : The handbook is a good guide for using documentation.
Specific : The MLA handbook provides a good guide for documenting works cited.
•Names (Who?)
General ：The governor of Minnesota enacted legislation that decreased the amount of aid available
to college students.
Specific：Governor Arne Carlson Of Minnesota enacted legislation that decreased the amount Of aid
available to middle-income college students.
•Numbers (How many?)
General： Even though many members of the student congress were absent, the motion still passed.
Specifi ： Even though 13 members of the student congress were absent, the motion still passed.
•Senses (How?)
General : The truck was going very fast.
Specific : The truck was zooming down residential streets at 70 miles an hour.
6. Case analysis
Comment on how the telling sentences have been improved by the showing in the follwing passages.
Love for Gardening
Telling : Mrs. Jones loved gardening.
Showing :
From the moment she woke up in the morning, Mrs. Jones smiled at the thought of
her garden. Most mornings, she would scald her mouth trying to gulp down her coffee so
that she could get outside while the ground was still damp from the morning dew. Once she
knelt down in the soil, she lost track of time and concerns of her body. She would work well
into the afternoon, barely noticing when the nails of her left hand would break to the point
of bleeding. Mrs. Jones' jeans were always stained on the knees with thick mud, and her
arms were always bruised and scraped. But she didn't mind at all.
Climbing the Staircases
Telling :
Grandma reached over and grabbed her grandson's arm. The boy was nervous because
the staircase was so steep, but she leaned against him and they began to climb.
Showing :
Grandma lurched' over and grabbed Randal's thin forearm with her leathery hand.
The folds and creases beneath her skin coiled themselves out like electrical wiring. Randal
looked ahead toward the winding spiral staircase, fidgeted and bit his lip. His mouth filled
with the sweet, coppery taste of blood as she leaned in closely toward him, breathing her hot
breath on the damp hair at the base of his neck. She smelled of cigarettes and bacon. As they
slowly climbed the long, steep staircase, the only sound was his grandma's labored breathing
and the mournful creaks of the wooden stairs.
