Hello, everyone. Till now, we have finished the study of daily verbal communication, verbal communication and nonverbal communication. We have learned about the cultural differences in these areas and accumulated some experience in intercultural communication. Yet besides the cultural factors, we should also take into consideration another element influencing communication, that is, gender. As a frequently asked but never answered question goes, “Can men and women get along? Should we even try?”

1.   Case study

When teaching this unit, I hear a lot from my students about miscommunication between the sexes. One male student told me his own experience that had long been puzzling him. Once, his former female classmate, a very common friend, was about to drop in during her visit to his city during May Day Holiday. He was happy and was eager to offer help. When the girl complained that the hotel charged her a lot, he advised that he would offer her a free bed in his dormitory as all his roommates would be gone on holiday. The girl gave no response at that point and shifted her topic to some other trivial aspects of the trip. It occurred to the boy that the suggestion was a little abrupt. He then offered a second suggestion that the girl should spend the night in his workshop where no one stayed in the teaching building at night. The girl never replied and refused to talk to him any longer. The boy was at a loss and did not know what was wrong with the girl.

The boy student is warm-hearted, but he fails to understand gender differences in communication. When the girl was complaining about her troubles, she was not waiting for a solution, but rather empathy, that is to say, to understand her situation and feel her emotion. 

As a Chinese pop song sings, “Boys can never tell girls’ mind no matter how hard they try.” So the study of this unit will help strengthen your effectiveness as a communicator. It will help you learn about general differences in feminine and masculine communication cultures, deepen your appreciation of diverse communication styles, allow you to understand ways of communication of the other gender and adapt to those that are different from yours.

2.   Sex and gender

First of all, let’s think about some questions. How many sexes are there in the world? And genders? Is sex and gender the same?

Some people think these two words are almost the same, at least quite similar. But we have to note that one may be born to be a boy, but may not grow up to be a man. Although these two terms are frequently used interchangeably, they differ from each other. Sex is designated the minute at birth. It is more of a biological term. Sex is determined by genetic codes that bear biological features. Gender is more complex. It is socially constructed. Some people make the comparison that gender is the cultural meaning of sex. Ever since a child is born, a boy is supposed to be masculine by the cultural standards of his society, and a girl is expected to be feminine according to cultural prescriptions. 

For most people, sex and gender go together. But this is not always the case.

Sex is innate, but gender is learned.

A person acquires his or her sex at birth. Sex is innate and for most people, it is stable. But gender is neither innate nor stable.

Gender is culturally sensitive. The culture we live in shapes our values, disciplines our codes of behavior, and determines our personality. People’s expectation of gender may vary from culture to culture. Masculinity in America may possess the characteristics of being strong, ambitious, successful, rational, and emotionally controlled, while femininity may bear the features of being physically attractive, deferential, emotionally expressive, nurturing, and considerate. In other cultures, men may not control their emotions in public. Good women should not outdo their husbands, and should stay at home doing household chores and take good care of children.

Gender is learned. Social prescriptions for gender start to function even when we are babies. Parents subconsciously choose different language with interaction with sons and daughters. “What a big boy!” is pleasing to the ear, while on the contrary, “What a big girl!” may not arouse the same feeling of pleasure. We often hear parents lecturing their sons “Don’t cry! Be a man!”, and saying “Stop being naughty. Don’t be so noisy!” to girls. Social prescriptions of the two sexes differ. Parents and teachers preach to ensure boys become masculine and girls become feminine.

Gender changes over time. Social prescriptions for gender are also dynamic at different time periods. The Industrial Revolution saw a boost in demands of physical labors, so masculinity at that time was defined differently from our time, when physical strength may not be as important as intelligent competency. To an individual, the meaning of gender changes over the course of our lifespan. To be masculine may mean being good at running at the age of 6 while achieving success at workplace at the age of 30. Comparably, a 6-year-old girl is feminine in a pink dress while being a good mom at the age of 30. What gender means is different at different stages of life.

So, above all, we have come to understand that sex is biological, whereas gender is social and cultural. Societies create meanings of gender, in turn, individuals become gendered as they embody social prescriptions in their personal identities.

3.   Discussion

What words were pleasing to you when you were young? What were the dos and don’ts your parents told you in childhood? What were your favorite games and toys? Please share your opinions with us online.