16. The Real Happiness

The way people hold to the belief that a fun-filled, painfree life equals happiness actually reduces their chances of ever attaining real be equal to unhappiness. But in fact , the opposite is true: more often than not things that lead to happiness involve some pain.

As a result , many people avoid the very attempts that are the source of true happiness. They fear the pain inevitably brought by such things as marriage, raising children, professional achievement, religious commitment(承担的义务)，self- improvement.

Ask a bachelor(单身汉)why he resists marriage even though be finds dating to be less and less satisfying. If he is honest he will tell you that he is afraid of making a commitment. For commitment is in fact quite painful. The single life is filled with fun , adventure, excitement. Marriage has such moments, but they are not its most distinguishing features.

Couples with infant children are lucky to get a whole night’s sleep or a three-day vacation. I don’t know any parent who would choose the word fun to describe raising children. But couples who decide not to have children never know the joys of watching a child grow up or of playing with a grandchild.

Understanding and accepting that rue happiness has nothing to do with fun is one of the most liberating realizations. It liberates time; now we can devote more hours to activities that can genuinely increase our happiness. It liberates money: buying that new car or those fancy clothes that will do nothing to increase our happiness now seems pointless. And it liberates us from envy : we now understand the all those who are always having so much fun actually may not be happy at all.