第二节　译文辨析

1.Or relax in your comfortable seat and enjoy coffee, snacks and drinks served from our mini-bar.

【译文一】在您舒适的座椅上放松，享受我们的迷你酒吧提供的咖啡、零食和饮料。

【译文二】您可以在舒适的座椅上一边尽情放松，一边享用我们的迷你酒吧奉上的香浓的咖啡、美味零食及各种饮料。

【辨析】对照两个译文，不难发现，译文二在词语的使用上更符合汉语的表达习惯，把第二人称代词放在最前面，添加了“尽情”、“香浓”、“美味”和“各种”等修饰词，使译文的语气更富渲染气势，符合中国读者的审美心理，同时添加了连接手段“一边……一边”，使句子朗朗上口。

2.There’s no more splendid way to celebrate the end of the Alp summer.

【译文一】没有比用这种方式来庆祝阿尔卑斯夏季结束更精彩的了。

【译文二】这可以说是庆祝阿尔卑斯夏季结束最精彩最壮观的方式。

【辨析】译文一直译了原文的比较级，译文二则将原文的比较级转译为最高级，对照阅读，不难发现译文一有些拖沓，译文二则更干脆利落，这说明很多时候英文旅游材料中的比较级转译为汉语的最高级更通顺，读起来更干脆利落。实际上，笔者认为，英语广告文体中的许多比较级都可以转译为最高级。例如：You won’t find a quicker, easier, neater way to enhance your beauty.您会发现这是提高魅力最快捷、最容易、最简便的办法。

3.Between 22 and 28 June, you have the unique opportunity to spend a week getting to know our one-of-a-kind alpine world, with the aid of experienced Zermatt mountain guides—all this at a special price.

【译文一】6月22日至28日，你可以获得用一周时间了解独特的阿尔卑斯世界的独特机会。活动期间有经验的釆尔马特高山向导为你提供帮助，活动价格优惠。

【译文二】6月22日至28日，您可以获得独一无二的机会，用一周的时间了解独一无二的阿尔卑斯世界，活动期间有经验丰富的采尔马特高山向导为您提供帮助，而活动的价格则非常优惠。

【辨析】对照两个译文可以看出，译文二在词汇选择上更符合汉语的特点，如在翻译两个unique时均使用了四字成语“独一无二”，experienced译成了“经验丰富”，分别比译文一的“独特”和“有经验”更具描述性和渲染的力度，同时译文二在最后的“优惠”前添加了程度副词“非常”，符合汉语的特点，使行文的语气更具有宣传力度。

4.（龙舟节）轻快的龙舟如银河流星，瑰丽的彩船似海市蜃褛，两岸那金碧辉煌的彩楼连成一片水晶宫，是仙境？是梦境？仰视彩鸽割飞，低眸漂灯留霓，焰火怒放，火树银花，灯舞回旋，千姿百态，气垫船腾起一江春潮，射击手点破满天彩球，跳伞健儿绽放在空中的花蕾，抢鸭勇士谱水上凯歌。

【译文一】The lightsome dragon-boats appear on the river as though the stars twinkle in the milky way.The richly decorated pleasure boats look like a scene of mirage.The splendid awnings in green and gold chain into a palace of crystal.Is this a fairy-land or a mere dream? Looking above,you can see the beautiful doves flying about.Looking below, you can see the sailing lamps glittering.Cracking are the fire works, which present you a picture of fiery trees and silver flowers.Circling are the lanterndancers, who present you a variation of exquisite manner.Over there the motorboats are plowing the water, thus a tide stirs up.Over there, the marks-men are shooting to their targets.

【译文二】The river is densely dotted with long-boats and decorated cruisers.Along the banks are buildings of Chinese style with flickering lights.Many interesting activities are waiting for you, such as fireworks,motorboat driving, shooting, and parachuting.

【辨析】对照以上两个译文，不难发现，译文一在用词上照搬原文，“不仅让人不知所云，而且充斥着大量的夸张手法，令人发笑，用作广告对外宣传可能适得其反。”（沈云，2006）根据前文所讲中英文用词的不同特点，译文二进行了适当调整和灵活创新，改用简洁明快的用词，删掉了一些夸张和细节描述的词汇，这样就使得英译文“简洁明了，通俗易懂，起到吸引游客注意，激发游客购买欲望，最终促成购买行为”。（同上）。

5.柳州的都乐岩旅游景区位于柳州市东侧，是柳州新出现的一颗璀璨明珠。景区充满绿色，山是绿色的，水是绿色的，地是绿色的，树是绿色的，田野是绿色的，因此被誉为“柳州风景的代表”，现已开发包括下洞、大厅、上洞三大部分的特色景点数十个，游、食、住、娱为一体，其宾馆设施完备，服务优良，安全舒适。

【译文一】Duleyan Tourist Attraction in Liuzhou, located to the east of Liuzhou City, is a newly-rising brilliant pearl there.Everything is green in that area, including the mountains, waters, land, trees and fields，so it is reputed as the “representative of Liuzhou scenery”.Scores of characteristic scenic spots have been developed, including the lower hole,the hall and the upper hole, with the combination of sight-seeing, food,living and entertainment.The hotels here have complete facilities, good service, safety and comfort.

【译文二】Duleyan Tourist Attraction, located to the east of the city of Liuzhou, is a new fascinating resort there.You will enjoy natural greenness and clear water everywhere, so it is reputed as typical scenery in Liuzhou.Scores of characteristic scenic spots are reachable now, where you will enjoy wonderful sightseeing, gastronomy, accommodation and recreation.All the hotels there offer reliable and comfortable facilities and good services.

【辨析】对照两个译文，不难看出，译文一在选词上基本拘泥于原文，如将“新出现的一颗璀璨明珠”译成a newly-rising brilliant pearl there，与其这样翻译，不如译为a rising star更容易为英文读者接受，但建议按照译文二那样将其实质信息译出即可。译文一里还有些选词与上下文的意义不相吻合，如living和entertainment，实际上应该是译文二中的 accomodation和recreation。另外，译文二将“山、地、树、田野等都是绿色的”这一信息省译，而将整句话变通为 You will enjoy natural greenness and clear water everywhere，尤其是将“水是绿色的”中的“绿色”转译为clear。“下洞、大厅、上洞”这三大部分没有必要译出，译文一中的the lower hole, the hall and the upper hole反而让读者难以理解。另外，“安全可靠”在译文一中直译为抽象名词safety and comfort，显然与前面facilities service这样的具体名词不平行，所以不如像译文二那样融进句子转译为形容词，反而能让英语读者更明白。细心的读者还会发现，在汉语中经常用在“设施”之前的“完备”在译文二中也省略不译，因为reliable and comfortable facilities已经足够。