披荆斩棘，一路向前　Shaping Up

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.

～Jane Wagner

Staring at myself in the cruel light shining on the dressing room mirror, I said aloud，“I look pathetic.”I meant every word of it. Without question, a good ten pounds had to come off-the same ten pounds that had appeared on every New Year's resolution list in recent memory.

I usually managed to take off the weight. I had plenty of practice and knew precisely how to adjust my diet in the kitchen, but the weight seemed to always creep back on when I wasn't looking.Something seemed to be missing and I knew what it was-exercise.

So, this year was going to be different. I resolved to pull out all the stops.I wanted to be toned and firmed and fit as a fiddle.I felt great when I discovered a woman's health club not far from home.

My first visit included embarrassing stuff, like recording vital statistics, my weight, and my body fat. I would begin classes designed to tone and firm my flab the following week.

Monday found me purchasing workout attire. I even found a gym bag with coordinating colors.My husband watched with a look that said，“Go ahead, but you'll fizzle out within a month.”I deserved that look.Three years earlier, after my doctor recommended a good exercise program for my back, I had hired a professional trainer to come to my home and devise a customized workout for me.I was ecstatic about the possibilities and did everything she advised-for about six weeks.

“Never mind that，”I told myself，“this time would be different.”

At one o'clock, Wednesday afternoon, I marched into the gym；my spiffy bag flung across my shoulders in a way I hoped made me appear a veteran at working out.

Joining my fellow-flabbies on the exercise floor, I was pleasantly surprised to discover all shapes and sizes.

As the music started, an instructor named Kinsey, not weighing more than ninety pounds, stood before us and began barking orders.

“Okay！Are we ready?”

I was. At least, I thought so.

“Stand up nice and tall！”she yelled.“That's it！Let's warm up our shoulders and arms！Here we go！Roll'em in！Take'em out！Roll'em in！And take’em out！Great！”

Just about the time I mastered rolling'em in and taking'em out, the music's tempo shifted, and Kinsey yelled，“Okay！Let's warm up the upper back and those abdominal muscles！”

Oh, boy. I was short of breath already.If this was a mere warm-up, I smelled trouble.

“Keep those abdominals tight, ladies！Take it down！And pull it out！Beautiful！Take it down！And pull it out！Great！You feel it stretching?”

Not to worry. The leotard would never be the same.

“Stretch it out！”Kinsey screamed.“Use your legs now！”

Mine were trembling violently.

Kinsey was merciless.“Lunge！”she hollered, in perfect syncopation with the music.“Lunge！Two, three, four. Lunge！Two, three, four.Beautiful！”

I noticed Kinsey hadn't broken a sweat. To make matters worse, she was staring right at me.

“If you start to feel weak，”she yelled, not missing a step，“take a little break.”She smiled in my direction.“Side to side, now！”she screamed.“Come on, ladies！Push it back！Move those legs！Push it back！Keep that tummy tight！”

A couple of hours later, I dragged myself into the house and collapsed in a pile on the den floor. I now understood why exercise helped you lose weight：You were too tired to eat.

I still lay in a flaccid heap when my husband arrived home.“What happened to you?”he asked.

“Exercise，”I moaned.“Call 911.”

“I will make supper，”he offered. I could only groan.

Later, as I trudged to the table, my face a picture of distress, my husband grinned.

“Are you making fun of me?”I asked, annoyed.

“No，”he chuckled.

“So why are you laughing?”

“I am laughing at how silly you are.”

I looked puzzled.

“There is nothing wrong with your body，”he said.“and you aren't even close to fat.”He patted my shoulder reassuringly.

As we said grace, I kept my head bowed a moment longer. I wanted to say special thanks for a man who not only knew how to cook, but how to stay out of hot water, as well.

～Dayle Allen Shockley

我常常胖10磅又瘦10磅，来回折腾好多次，连我的皮下脂肪都看不下去了。

——简·瓦格纳

残酷的灯光打在更衣室的镜子上，我盯着自己，大声说道：“这个样子真可悲。”我说的可是大实话。毫无疑问，我必须减掉10磅——最近几年，这个计划也一直是我的新年决心。

我总能想办法减掉几斤。经过反复实践，我学会了如何调节饮食。但是只要我稍不留神，减掉的肥肉又长上来了。我觉得可能漏掉了什么环节，应该是缺乏锻炼吧。

知道了自己的纰漏，今年不能和往年一样了。我决定扫清一切障碍。我希望自己像小提琴一样，调音固弦，万事俱备。我欣喜地发现，离家不远的地方有一家妇女健身俱乐部。

第一次去健身俱乐部时，我还经历了一些令我尴尬的程序：测三围、体重和脂肪。下一周，我就开始上课了，课程设计是要锻炼松弛的肌肉。

周一我去买了运动装。我还找到一个与运动装颜色搭配的运动包。丈夫看着我，仿佛在说：“去吧，但是你肯定坚持不了一个月就铩羽而归了。”他那么看我再正常不过了。三年前，医生向我推荐了一套锻炼背部的锻炼计划，为此我还特意请了专业教练来我家，为我量身打造训练计划。我兴高采烈地按照教练说的去做，幻想会取得成功——但只坚持了六个星期左右。

“别把那件事放在心上，”我暗暗给自己打气道，“上次是上次，这次是这次。”

周三下午一点，我昂首挺胸走进健身房，把漂亮的运动包甩在肩上，希望大家觉得我是经常在健身房出没的老手。

我坐在地板上，加入到那些肌肉松弛的同伴中去，欣喜地发现这里什么体形的人都有。

音乐响起时，一个叫金西的教练站在我们面前。看样子她的体重不会超过90磅。她开始发号施令。

“好吧，准备好了吗？”

我觉得自己准备好了。

“站起来，挺胸收腹！”教练大喊道，“就这样！活动一下肩膀和手臂！开始了！合拢！伸展！合拢！再伸展！真棒！”

我刚刚适应“合拢”“伸展”运动后，音乐的节拍突然变了。金西大叫道：“好吧！我们活动一下背部和腹部肌肉！”

哦，天哪！我快喘不上气了。如果这只是热身运动，我觉得自己这下完了。

“女士们，收紧腹部！气沉丹田！再呼出去！漂亮！气沉丹田！再呼出去！真棒！感觉腹部很紧吗？”

不要担心。跟穿紧身衣裤的感觉是完全不一样的。

“放松，伸展！”金西喊道，“现在，腿用力！”

我的双腿直打哆嗦。

金西可够残忍的。“冲刺！”金西大声嚷道，恰好踩在音乐的节拍上，“冲刺！2、3、4，冲刺！2、3、4，漂亮！”

我发现金西一滴汗也没流。更糟糕的是，她正盯着我呢。

“如果你觉得累，”金西一个动作也没偷懒，大声说道，“那就稍微休息会儿。”她冲我这里笑了笑。“左右开弓，开始！”金西放声大叫道，“女士们，加把劲！收腹！动腿，收腹，紧张起来！”

几小时后，我拖着疲惫不堪的身体回到家里，瘫倒在休息室的地板上。我现在明白为什么运动可以减肥了：因为你累得什么都不想吃了。

丈夫回家时，我仍然有气无力地瘫作一团。“你怎么了？”他问道。

“运动，”我呻吟道，“快打911 20。”

“我来做晚饭吧。”丈夫提议道。我没有回答，呻吟个不停。

后来我踉踉跄跄地走向餐桌，满面愁容，丈夫却咧嘴大笑。

“你在取笑我吗？”我愠怒地问道。

“没有啊。”他忍不住轻声笑道。

“那你为什么笑啊？”

“我在笑你傻。”

我大惑不解。

“你身材挺好的，”丈夫说道，“而且根本一点不胖嘛。”他拍了拍我的肩膀，顿时让我宽心不少。

做饭前祈祷时，我埋头的时间比平时更久一些。我想向某个男人致以特别的感谢，他不仅知道如何做饭，还知道如何摆脱困境。

——黛儿·艾伦·肖克莱