清单　The List

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.

～Epictetus

In the days surrounding my grandmothers death, my family gathered to remember her and comfort ourselves by sharing our stories of what she meant to us. One of my favorite stories was told to me by my Aunt Chris.

My grandmother had stopped in to visit Aunt Chris（her daughter），as she was unpacking her belongings in her new house. My aunt had an enormous list of“things to do”posted on her refrigerator；an endless reminder of all the work still to be done for the move.As my grandmother read over the list, she said“Chris, you really should put up another list.”

My aunt was exasperated, standing in her new kitchen, amid a mountain of boxes and crumpled newspapers. Every cupboard door and drawer was open.“Another list！Why?”Chris was worried and overwhelmed.“Did I forget something?”

“You should always have a list of all the things you have already accomplished，”was Grandma's reply，“and keep it where you can see it, to remind you that you should be proud of what you have already done.”

After she died, as we all tried to find the words we wanted to share with people during her funeral service, we began to compile my beautiful grandmother's list of accomplishments. It was very cathartic for us to remember her words of advice and the many things that she did in her life to make us feel so proud of her and so loved by her.

After wards, I made a list of things I was proud to have accomplished in my own life. I listed big things like traveling, completing my university degree and writing the first draft of a novel, and I listed little things like learning to love my body-imperfections and all, falling in love, and having wonderful friends.

At first, I felt a bit boastful and immodest, two things my grandmother certainly was not. But before long, my list made me feel a sense of accomplishment I had never had before.At times when I was feeling discouraged or disappointed in myself, I would remember my list and remember all of the things I had managed to do in my life.Then I would feel like my grandmother would be proud of me, and I even felt proud of myself.

I hung my list on my refrigerator and even added to it from time to time over the years. My friends liked to read it when they were over to visit, and a few of them created lists of their own.

I've moved several times since I began my list, but I still have it. Now I keep it in my wallet, and I've added“became a mother”to it.I still take it out now and then to remind myself of my successes and victories when I need some encouragement, and to find my personal strength again when I feel broken down.The self assurance that my list has given me has helped to guide me through some very difficult times since my beautiful grandmother died.I can't imagine a more valuable gift than what I've learned from her.My daughter didn't get to know my grandmother, but I gave her Grandmas name, and I have added“Teach Lilly about the list”to my list of things to do.

～Molly Cadigan

智者不以物悲，而以己喜。

——爱比克泰德

那时奶奶刚刚过世，家人聚到一起追悼她老人家。我们谈论她在世时对我们的种种好，以此互相安慰。姑妈克丽丝讲了一个奶奶生前的故事。我最爱听这个故事了。

那年姑妈刚刚搬完家，正在新家收拾家当。这天，奶奶到姑妈家去了。姑妈在冰箱上贴着长长的清单，上面罗列着这次搬家要做的各个事项。奶奶看见了这份清单，对姑妈说：“克丽丝，我看你还得再列一张清单才行啊。”

姑妈当时已经忙得焦头烂额，听到奶奶这句话不禁慌了神。她正在收拾新厨房，里面被废纸箱和旧报纸堆得水泄不通。柜橱的门和抽屉都还没来得及关上。姑妈的心悬了起来，暗暗担心起来：“再列一份清单？天哪！我是不是落下什么东西了？”

奶奶回答道：“你应该把已经完成的事情列一份清单，放到看得见的地方。你该为已经完成的事情感到自豪才是。”

奶奶去世后，家里人开始思考如何撰写奶奶的悼文，好在葬礼上宣读给亲朋好友听。于是，大家开始列清单，罗列亲爱的奶奶一生取得的成就。我们怀念奶奶在世时对我们的谆谆教诲，怀念她老人家在世时所取得的每一项成就。奶奶的一言一行都让我们感到自豪，也让我们感受到她的关爱。缅怀奶奶让我们的情感得到了宣泄。

事后，我罗列了一份自己的成就清单。我把一些大成就列了清单上，例如旅行，从大学顺利毕业以及完成第一部小说的草稿。此外，我还把一些小成就也列了上去，例如爱自己的身体（包括种种不足），谈恋爱，还有交上几个不错的朋友。

刚开始的时候，我有点自吹自擂。当然，奶奶她老人家向来为人谦逊。不过我很快就有了一种前所未有的成就感。每当我感到沮丧和失落时，总能想起自己的清单，想起自己的种种“成就”。一想到这里，我就会觉得奶奶要是在世的话，肯定会为我感到骄傲。我自己也觉得很自豪。

几年来，我一直把这份清单挂在冰箱上，并且随时补充。朋友来的时候总喜欢读读我的清单，有些朋友看完后也学我制作了自己的成就清单。

自从开始写那份清单后，我搬过好几次家，但是一直保留着它。现在，我把这份清单放在钱包里，上面多了一条“当妈妈”。每当缺乏动力的时候，我就拿出清单看看以往取得的成就；每当失落沮丧的时候，我也会拿出清单来给自己鼓劲。亲爱的奶奶过世后，这份自我肯定的成就清单一次次帮我度过人生艰难的风风雨雨。这是奶奶留给我最宝贵的财富。女儿莉莉没有见过她的曾祖母。我已经把奶奶的名字告诉了女儿，而且要把她老人家的“列清单法”教给莉莉。

——莫莉·卡迪甘