洗衣祷告　Laundry Prayers

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.

～Abigail Van Buren

I have never prayed for laundry before. That is until this morning.It all stems from my closet addiction to doing too much for my kids.Don't look at me all pious.You know you've done it yourself.Of all the things I do for my kids, the hardest by far are the things I force myself not to do.Cooking and cleaning and schlepping the laundry are easy.Not cleaning my kids' rooms but insisting they do it themselves is hard.Running around like a chicken with my head cut off to make sure they get to school on time is easy.Allowing them to be late and suffer the consequences is hard.

I know I'm not the only mom who's stood in my child's toxic dump of a room and thought that I could pick it up myself. It'd take me about ten minutes, all the while knowing that the right thing to do is go find that child, drag his little backside in there and insist he clean it up himself, listen to him whine about how it's not fair, how his sisters never do anything, how he could run away and nobody would care, then have to drag him back three times until the job is done correctly.That’s hard！

Actually, I've gone both ways. There have been days when I was just too tired to fight the battle and did the work myself to have it over and done with and days when tough love prevailed, I was willing to be the bad guy, and insisted my child do his own work for his own good.There've been days when someone called to say，“Quick！Bring me my homework（flute, lunch, P.E.clothes）I forgot at home.”I clenched my teeth and declared they'd have to do without；and then there were days when I high-tailed it up to school-Mom the enabler.

This year, our oldest child, Haley, started high school-countdown to independence. Loving her enough not to do too much for her seems more immediate now and the goal I am striving towards.In four short years, she'll be at college somewhere trying to figure out how those clean clothes magically appeared in her dresser.Where are the elves that used to vacuum her room?And exactly how did her shoes find their way from the middle of the den floor to her closet while she slept?It's time to rein myself in and start letting Haley take care of Haley no matter how much I still love doing it for her.

That's why yesterday, after I'd issued my“last call for laundry”three times and then discovered a sea of dirty clothes on Haley's bedroom floor, I calmly let her know，“I'm finished washing for today, Sweetie. If you want clean clothes, you'll have to wash them yourself.”I didn’t get much of a reaction from her, mainly because she’s known me long enough to assume it was only lip service.But I really meant it this time.At least, I hoped I did.

I doubt if Haley gave those clothes a second thought as she waded through them on her way to bed last night, but I thought about them for hours. They were the last thing on my mind when I fell to sleep, and the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning.

Two hours until the bus comes. I still have time to wash and dry a couple loads before then.So I start laundry praying.“Lord, please help me not to wash Haley's clothes.In a few minutes when she wakes up and pitches a hissy fit because she has nothing to wear to school, help me remember why I'm doing this.Thank you for loving me enough to not bail me out of all my messes.I know it must be hard for You to sometimes watch me standing knee deep in‘another fine mess' I've made.Do You ever want to reach down and fix it for me, just this once?I know You want me to be happy.Thank you for loving me enough to let me be miserable, when it's for my own good.Help me to understand that kind of love and please, please, Lord, help me not to jump up, run in there, and wash Haley’s clothes for her.Amen.”

～Mimi Greenwood Knight

要想让孩子脚踏实地，就得让他们承担责任。

——艾比盖尔·范·巴伦

今天上午我做了一次洗衣祷告，之前从未做过类似的祷告。这全是因为我“爱子成瘾”，总是给孩子们做这做那，什么都管。别这么崇拜地看着我，你们肯定知道自己也是这样。到目前为止，我为孩子做的事情中，最让我犯难的就是强迫自己不去做一些事情。做母亲的给孩子洗衣做饭、打扫卫生都不是难事；犯难的是要求孩子自己做自己的事情。围着孩子团团转，督促他们按时上学也不是难事，犯难的是不管他们，任由他们迟到受罚。

站在孩子们一片狼藉的房间里，我忍不住想给他们收拾干净。不过我知道，世界上像我这样的妈妈还有很多。我可得花上十来分钟才能想清楚，正确的做法应该是找到孩子，把他拽回来，要求他把房间收拾干净。这个孩子肯定还会嘟囔着如何如何不公平，抱怨其他姐妹什么也不干。而且还叫嚷着说自己要偷跑出去，谁也不会在意。稍不留神，这孩子就溜了出去，我们不得不一而再、再而三地把他拽回来，让他把事情做完。这简直太难了！

实际上，我是个两面派。有些时候，我实在是累得没心思跟孩子较真，就把他们该做的事情帮着做了。当“严爱”占据上风的时候，我就唱起了“黑脸”，要求孩子们自己的事情必须自己完成。有些时候，孩子们打来电话叫道：“快！我的作业（长笛、午餐、运动衣）落家里了。”有些时候，我咬着牙不给他们送。还有些时候，我就忍不住了，狂奔到学校——真是个鞍前马后的妈妈。

今年，我们最大的孩子海莉升高中了，眼看就要独立生活了。让她学着自立自理成了迫在眉睫的任务，我也正在为此而不懈努力。四年后，她就要读大学了，到时候不会洗衣服怎么办？那时她将诧异，衣橱里的干净衣服是怎么来的。她还可能纳闷，平常打扫房间用的吸尘器呢？晚上睡觉的时候明明把鞋子放到地板上了，早起的时候怎么跑到柜橱了？虽然我现在忍不住想为她多操点心，不过是到了该狠心克制自己，让海莉自己照顾自己的时候了。

这就是为什么昨天我没有给她洗衣服。我喊了三次“谁还有脏衣服赶紧拿出来”，但是在海莉的卧室还是堆着一地脏衣服。我心平气和地告诉她：“宝贝儿，我今天该洗的衣服都洗完了。你要是想穿干净的衣服，就得自己动手了。”女儿无动于衷，因为她太了解我了，以为这次又只是嘴上说说而已。但是，这次可是当真的。最起码，我希望自己是当真的。

昨天晚上，海莉上床前从这堆脏衣服上走过。我觉得当时她可能连洗衣服的念头都没有动。但是，这堆脏衣服在我脑海里盘旋了好几个小时，直到睡觉前仍然念念不忘。一大早醒来，我首先想到的就是这堆脏衣服。

现在距离校车过来还有两小时。我还可以洗上几缸衣服，还来得及烘干。这时，我的洗衣祷告开始了：“主啊，请帮帮我吧，别让我给海莉洗衣服。再过几分钟，她就起床了，发现没有干净衣服可穿，只能找一身皱巴巴的脏衣服了。主啊，请帮帮我吧，让我记住自己这么做是为了她好。女儿肯定会埋怨我：‘谢谢您的厚爱，妈妈，眼睁睁地看着女儿身陷窘境而袖手旁观。我知道，看着女儿身陷困境而无法自拔，您肯定也很难受。但是，您就真的没想着要伸出手拉女儿一把吗？哪怕就这一回？我知道您希望我幸福。谢谢您的厚爱，为了我好，所以就眼睁睁看着我活受罪？’主啊！请帮帮我吧，让我理解这种爱的方式吧！主啊！帮帮我，让我控制住自己，别跑过去给海莉洗衣服。阿门！”

——米米·格林伍德·奈特