滔滔不绝　Talks Too Much

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

～Epictetus

Talks too much. Gabby.Chatty.Loquacious.These are all words and expressions that have been used to describe me from the age of four.My mom boasts that I was talking in three and four word sentences before I was ten months old.Some say it's the gift of gab while others simply think I talk too much.

As my thirties came to a close, I found myself reflecting on my life. I'm very happy and have no significant regrets.Even the things that I'm not proud of, I accept as part of my journey to where I am today.When I looked back on those times of difficulty, I saw a clear common denominator；I didn't seem to know when to stop talking.Whether it was hurting someone's feelings, or having carelessly revealed a secret, the incident could have been avoided had I closed my mouth sooner.It was during this life revelation that I resolved to practice the power of quiet.

To take this step, I needed to understand how people could sit comfortably in a group and not talk, and even more amazing, be with just one other person and not talk. Why does my husband feel completely content to sit in a room bustling with conversation and say nothing?He's highly intelligent and has wonderful opinions but he'll sit quietly and just listen.Even when he's asked a pointed question, he'll answer with as few words as he can muster while still communicating effectively.What talent！

Can you imagine being happy just listening?In surveying those I know who talk less than I do（pretty much everyone），the general consensus was one of two answers-they either didn't feel confident enough to speak up and risk being judged on some level, or they just didn't feel the need to participate in the conversation. Of course there were other reasons for not talking, but these were the two most popular answers.

The first one didn't work for me. I'm just fine letting people think what they will about me, and hopefully they'll even speak up and make the conversation much more interesting.The second one didn't work either.I do feel the need to participate.I feel it physically like an electrical pulse through my body；sometimes it's so strong it causes me to behave badly in the form of interrupting or speaking in an unusually loud voice.I had to look further.

An interesting thing happened on this journey to the power of quiet. During my weekly yoga class（a class I take for the sole purpose of learning to be still），it came to me.Like an answer so crystal clear that the words rang in my head like soft, heavenly bells.

1 talked too much so people would know I cared about them. It was my way of taking care of those I love, whether they are family, friends, acquaintances, or customers.I talked so they would know I understood.I resolved before my fortieth birthday, that from that day forward, those around me would know I loved them, and cared what they thought and felt, but I was going to practice the power of quiet.

As my forty-second birthday approaches, I can say that resolving to talk less has been more about focusing on quality rather than quantity. I've found that listening more shows those who I care about that I really do care how they feel.Now when I chime in, it means more to them.Oh sure, I still have my bouts of talking too much, but for the most part this has been one resolution that I can call a success.

～Kathleen Partak

我们每个人都只有两只耳朵，一张嘴巴，所以我们听的可以比说的多一倍。

——爱比克泰德

滔滔不绝、喋喋不休、健谈、话太多——从四岁开始，大家就开始用诸如此类的词来形容我。我不满十个月就能够说三四个词的简单句子，妈妈对此总是津津乐道。有人认为，这说明我有语言天赋，也有人说我话太多了。

快到40岁的时候，我开始反思生活。我过得很快乐，没有什么大的遗憾。有些事情我也并不引以为豪，但依然承认那是自己人生旅途中的一部分。回首往昔的那些困难时，我发现它们有一个明显的共同之处——我说起话来滔滔不绝，刹不住车。有时候说着说着就伤害了别人的感情，无意间也有可能泄露秘密。要是我能早点管住自己的嘴巴，这些事情就可以避免了。痛定思痛，我决心汲取以往的经验，开始努力保持沉默。

要想学会沉默，我就得先研究为什么一群人坐在一起，有的人能默不作声。更不可思议的是，有时候两个人坐到一起，也能相视无言。一屋子的人都在唧唧喳喳地聊着，但是我先生竟能安然自得，保持缄默。我先生聪明过人，见解独到，但是却只是静坐倾听。即使被问及一些极其尖锐的问题，我先生也能三言两语应答自如。不服不行！

光听不说能活得快乐吗？认识的人中有比我寡言少语的人（几乎人人都比我寡言少语），我对他们做了一项调查。他们对于这个问题的回答基本上就是两种：要么觉得没有自信发言，怕自己说出话来被人说三道四；要么觉得没有参加谈话的必要。当然，寡言少语的原因不只这两种，但是这却是最主要的两种。

第一种原因显然不适合我。因为我不介意别人怎么想我，而且还希望别人能接上话茬，让交谈更加有趣。第二个原因对我也不管用。因为我只要看见有人聊天，我就觉得非掺和不可。每当看见有人聊天，我就像触电一样激动。这种冲动有时候会让我把持不住自己，打断别人，大声喧哗，表现得很没教养。这两个原因都不管用，我还得再想想。

在找寻沉默力量的历程中，发生了一件趣事。我学习瑜伽的唯一目的就是想学会静默。就在每周一次的瑜伽课上，我找到了问题的原因。它清清楚楚，像柔和的天籁之声飘进我的心房。

我之所以滔滔不绝，是想让大家知道我在关心他们。不管是亲朋好友、熟人还是顾客，我都用这种方式表达对他们的关怀。我说出来是想让他们知道我理解他们。在40岁生日来临之前，我立下决心，决心以后要让身边的人知道我爱他们，知道我在乎他们的想法和感受，但同时也要学会沉默。

42岁生日渐渐临近，我认为少开口就是在说话时注重谈话的质量，而不在于说多少话。我发现通过多倾听，身边的人就能感觉到我确实在乎他们。现在，我的随声附和对他们来说意义更大。噢，当然啦，我有时候还会忍不住口若悬河、滔滔不绝。但是从整体上来说，这个决心基本上算取得了成功。

——凯斯琳·帕塔克