Hello, everyone! Welcome to today’s lecture. From this unit, we know that men and women are so different that “communication between men and women can be like cross-cultural communication”. Then how can men and women communicate successfully? What are the tricks for effective cross gender communication? Now let’s try to solve these problems from multiple aspects.

Firstly, language is the most important carrier of culture, so verbal communication is a powerful agent of cultural expression. Since men and women are socialized into different gender speech communities, with most men into masculine and most women into feminine, they learn quite different rules for the purpose of communication and different ways to express support, care and involvement. All these differences may lead to misunderstanding, frustration, hurt feelings and tension between the two genders.

So in the first place, we need to acknowledge the validity of both feminine and masculine communication styles and resist the tendency to think what differs from our own standards are wrong. Appreciation and respect for the distinctive communication styles are foundations for better understanding between the two genders. Furthermore, both genders could learn to use different communication styles of the other gender, which allows us to be more flexible and effective in our verbal communications with a range of people.

Secondly, as the “silent language” and “hidden dimension” of culture, nonverbal communication also plays a vital part in cross-gender communication. In masculine communication, nodding the head means agreement, while in feminine communication culture, nodding could simply mean that the female is listening or a signal to encourage the communication partner to go on. Either part’s misreading of this nonverbal behavior will definitely result in misunderstanding and even conflict.

Then what shall we do? If we can understand and use both feminine and masculine communication styles, it will be less likely to misread the other gender’s motives. In the process of cross-gender communication, try to provide some translation cues so that the other gender could better understand your communicative purposes. If the other gender fails to give you the clue, try toseek the translation cues by asking some questions. Besides, through both verbal and nonverbal interactions with others, we come to understand how our society defines masculinity and femininity and then establish our own gendered identities. Learning to understand and respect other communication styles different from our own will enhance our personal effectiveness in cross-gender communication.

We are born into a gendered society which guides our understanding of gender and shapes our personal gendered identities. Gender messages surround us from the moment of birth. Inside families, parents interact with sons and girls distinctively. Boys are taught to “be a man” so they should not cry over trifles. A man is supposed to be powerful, aggressive and successful in his career. Likewise, girls are taught to “behave like a girl” so they should not play violently. A woman is supposed to be caring, sensitive and a super woman because it’s not enough to be just a homemaker and mother or to just have a career — young women seem to feel they are expected to do it all.

However, with the development of culture and society, the prevailing themes of femininity and masculinity in both Western and Eastern cultures reveal both constancy and change. Today there are multiple ways to define femininity and womanhood, as well as masculinity and manhood. A woman can be assertive and ambitious in her career, a man can quit his job as a stay-at-home dad, the household duties are shared by the husband and wife, and people are gradually getting used to such phenomenon.

Although we are gendered by our society, socialization is not as decisive as it might seem. Surely,we are influenced by the expectations of our culture and society, yet it’s through our own communications and behaviors that we reinforce or challenge the existing views of gender. The proper attitude we should hold is to stay open and suspend judgement. With an open mind, we can accept and respect the differences between the two genders. It’s not a question about which gender’s communication is right and which is wrong, or which is better or more effective. The secret is to suspend the tendency to judge. As long as we judge others and defend ourselves, we are making no progress in communicating more effectively.

Then how to suspend judgement? Here are some tips.

First, don’t think in terms of good and bad at first. Instead, think in terms of motivation: why does this person think or behave this way?

Second, when you’re talking about an issue with someone, focus on the perspective, not the person. Sometimes, this is as simple as asking, “Why does your belief work like that?” instead of, “Why do you think that?” By doing so, it’s easier for both genders to discuss it from an outside perspective without directly attacking each other.

Finally, always be learning. Learning could happen anytime and anywhere. When we approach any experience, like a conversation with the other gender, see it as an opportunity to learn something then we enhance our likelihood of sharing an understanding with another person, increasing our chances of success in life, and improving our well-being, too. People with a strong ability to learn are not only great at communication, but they are also going to be international and intercultural talents well into the future.