Since you have known all the secrets of addressing others properly and developing conversation, in this section, let’s talk about how to be a lovely guest or a hospitable host in the eyes of your western friends.

The Westerners prefer to organize and arrange their time in advance. If you want to visit someone, not only do you need to give them advance notice, but also take care of the language to be used. For example, “I’m coming to see you this afternoon” is a common mistake. Why? This wording carries the implication “You must stay at home this afternoon because I’m coming to see you.”

Then, what are suitable expressions? Read the following 3 statements:

● I haven’t seen you for a long time. I was wondering whether I could come around to visit you sometime.

● I’d like to come and see you sometime. Would you be free one afternoon next week?

● I would like to come and visit you. Would it be convenient for me to come Wednesday evening? 

If it’s a business-related visit, people expect the visitors to come straight to the point, rather than go through lengthy preliminary chatting. If the visit is social, the situation is more flexible, and depends on individual preferences.

If the Chinese wish to invite the Westerners to take part in an important activity, it is also necessary to give them advance notice (at least a week in advance). Otherwise, they may feel slighted and refuse to attend.

Due to the different cultural backgrounds, the Westerners and Chinese entertain guests in completely different ways.

For example, if guests are invited for a meal, the Chinese will prepare a large number of dishes, usually far more than can be eaten at one time. Conversely, the Westerners tend to relate the meal size more accurately to the people’s appetites, both the quantity and variety of the meal are far less than in China.

Another example is the response on being offered drink. The Chinese may refuse the first offer out of politeness and want the host to offer more times before accepting. This is the Chinese way of showing hospitality. The Westerners expect their guests to answer honestly, and if guests say no, the host will not insist on offering them more times. If they accept, they will be given a cup and expected to drink it all.

Even in parting, the Chinese differ from the Westerners. In western culture, it is common for the guest to have a small talk while preparing for leaving. And the small talk usually includes expressions about how they appreciate the nice meal or the lovely evening, but they can’t hold the host any longer. The host will see the guest to the door and say something like “Thank you for coming.” Chinese visitors often stand up suddenly and say, “I’m leaving now”, which seems quite abrupt to the Westerners.

Misunderstandings occur inevitably, if you are not aware of these differences. Actually, in daily verbal communication, there are many routine ways one needs to observe in order to maintain smooth intercultural interaction. With some knowledge of basic cultural differences, one is likely to survive in other cultures.