Eat together, stay together
1 After my mother passed away, the first thing that really felt different was the dinner table. My father and I began eating separately, and some days we rarely saw each other at all. Then, one day, my father walked downstairs. "I think we should start eating together, even if it's just you and me," he said. "Your mother would have wanted that." It wasn't ideal, of course – the meals we made weren't amazing and we missed the presence of Mom – but there was something special about setting aside time to be with my father. Eating together was a small act, and yet it was invariably one of the most meaningful parts of my day.
2 Sadly, Americans rarely eat together anymore. In fact, the average American eats one in every five meals in their car; one in four Americans eats at least one fast food meal every single day; and the majority of American families report eating a single meal together less than five days a week. According to one study, children who do not eat dinner with their parents at least twice a week were 40 percent more likely to be overweight compared to those who do. On the contrary, children who eat dinner with their parents five or more days a week have less trouble with drugs and alcohol, eat more healthily, show better academic performance, and report being closer with their parents.
3 There are two big reasons why not eating meals together has negative effects on people's life. Firstly, when we eat out – especially at inexpensive fast food places that most children go to when not eating with their family – we tend not to eat very healthy things. In his most recent book, Cooked, Michael Pollan wrote that meals eaten outside of the home are almost uniformly less healthy than home-made foods, generally having higher fat, salt, and caloric content.
4 The second reason is that eating alone can be alienating. The dinner table can act as a unifier, a place of community. Sharing a meal is an excuse to catch up and talk, one of the few times where people are happy to put aside their work and take time out of their day.
5 This is not a universal problem. In many other countries, mealtime is treated as sacred. In France, for instance, while it is acceptable to eat by oneself, one should never rush a meal. A salad muncher on the metro invites irritated glares, and employees are given at least an hour for lunch. In many Mexican cities, townspeople insist on eating together with friends and family in central areas like parks or town squares. In Cambodia, villagers spread out colorful mats and bring food to share with loved ones like a potluck.
6 It's incredible what we're willing to make time for if we're motivated. Perhaps we should see eating together not as another appointment on a busy schedule, but rather as an opportunity to de-stress, or catch up with those whom we love. As long as our family members, roommates, or friends are present, even a takeout makes for a decent enough meal.
7 One night before I left home to return to school, my father and I went out to our favorite Chinese restaurant. After 60 years of life on this planet and countless dinners here, he still could not effectively hold a pair of chopsticks. "You have to hold this one perfectly still," I said, "while you move this one to pick up your food." He nodded. "I think I've got it," he said. "The chopsticks each have an individual role, but in order not to drop your food, they have to work together. Right?" I smiled. "Exactly."
