A little over a year ago, last October, I met a person online who would become my future boyfriend. We ran into each other by sheer chance in a philosophy chat room, where he jokingly expressed admiration of the fact that a teenager (I was 18 at the time and he was 30) could spell the word "pretentious." We established a friendly rapport almost immediately, got into various discussions and quickly gained respect for each other. Because of our obvious age difference, there were no romantic overtones to our conversations. We just enjoyed each other's company, and spent many nights talking about art, music, philosophy, literature, fashion, emotions, past experiences — whatever was on our minds.

Our connection was completely honest and open, and although he told me for the first time that December (two months after we met) that he loved me, he reassured me that he meant it in only the best possible way — without any romantic intentions — and didn’t intend to make me uncomfortable — which he didn’t in the least. On the contrary, I felt nothing but ease and comfort whenever I wrote to him. I also felt gratitude for the warmth, guidance, and unconditional support he offered me. Had it been any other person online I would have felt some suspicion, but I had no misgivings whatsoever. Still, I did not expect any sort of romance to come of our friendship.

Then in February, he admitted to me — gently and cautiously —that he was developing stronger romantic feelings for me. And for some reason, I wasn't surprised, although I didn't reciprocate in any way. Our relationship had always been based on a lover and a beloved, in a way, and I was perfectly happy with that arrangement. My self-esteem, which had previously been close to zero, was now becoming more and more stable, and I began doing much better in my last year of high school now that I had a genuine friend who offered kindness to go home to at the end of the day. Ironically, the reason I had gone into that philosophy chat room back in October was to discuss the problems in my previous relationship, which was just ending at the time. He made it possible for me to cope with a lot of the painful aspects of my breakup — my old boyfriend had become extremely cold and distant and so it was extraordinarily difficult for me to trust anyone. In sharp contrast to my old boyfriend, my new friend made it clear again and again that he did not expect me to return his romantic sentiments, and so I never felt under any pressure to do so.

That is, until around May. By that time, it had become impossible to hold back all of my growing romantic sentiments. I could never bring myself to type the words "I love you," although it was quite evident that he was head over heels in love with me. But we had a sort of unspoken awareness of the fact that something — what, we didn't know —was developing between us. In those late spring months we were more careful than ever to remain conscious of the age difference separating us, and the issues that could potentially cause problems for us. We were completely honest about our feelings and concealed nothing from each other. Though it was difficult and quite painful for me to try to trust another person after my experiences with my previous boyfriend, he remained effortlessly patient with me all through my emotional ups and downs, my attempts to come to terms with my feelings and fears. He offered me insights into my own personality and my own emotions and led me to a new understanding of myself as a person truly capable of loving another person. And I was certain by this time that I loved him. I just couldn’t tell him — yet.

Some time in late May, he called me on the phone — something we had been planning to do for at least three months. We were both nervous — he a little more than I, I think — but our conversation was warm and comfortable (and I adored his voice). We spoke again on several successive nights afterwards, and the topics of conversation were always on the safe side (movies, books, etc.) until one night we got down to those more serious, romantic issues which we had discussed again and again in writing. Because I was still quite inexperienced with relationships — and quite emotionally fragile on top of that (I have a history of depression), hearing him say that he loved me was exciting, but also quite scary. But finally, after mustering every bit of courage I had, I told him, "I think I'm in love with you" — and proceeded to burst into tears. I knew it was genuine at that point, and as terrifying as it was, it felt like the best thing that had ever happened to me.

We talked on the phone every night after that, for hours on end. Into the early morning, I would lie on my bed and we would talk about philosophy, or he would tell me stories in his quiet, gentle voice of all the adventures we would have together some day, talking to me until we were both ready to drift off to sleep. It had been impossible not to dream about being together, but by this time we had begun to discuss meeting in person in practical terms. Although he lived almost ten hours away from me, he arranged to stay with relatives over the summer, and we decided to meet for the first time in my hometown on 10 July, nine months after we first met online.

It was beautiful — like a dream. We spent our first day together wandering around the city, looking in the record stores and souvenir shops, and eventually going to the park, where we laid out a blanket and hugged each other, marvelling at the experience of actually being in each other’s arms. Before he dropped me off for the night, he picked me up as we were walking back to the car and held me for about a minute, like a husband carrying his bride across the threshold. It felt like the epitome of every romantic moment in history. That night when we kissed for the first time in his car, I thought I would faint with pleasure. We saw each other the next day and the day after that — after which he went back to his home.

When he left I was devastated, of course. But I pulled myself through with the knowledge that next summer he’d be moving permanently to be close to me. It seems almost mind-boggling that my life has taken such an unexpected turn in the past year (has it really been only a year?!) and even more mind-boggling that I seem to have found someone that I was destined to be with. His personality is so uncannily suited to mine, it’s as if there’s no age difference at all. Neither of us are too mature or too immature; we just meet in the middle. I don’t know where I would be without him — he gives me hope, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel beautiful. We now plan to spend a winter break together, almost a full month. Just the thought of it makes me smile.

If you had told me a year ago that I would eventually fall madly in love with a 30-year-old law student several states away, I probably would have laughed. Now nothing seems unusual to me. Online romance, age gap, long distance — I faced all these problems. And I couldn’t be happier. It just goes to show what true love can do!