DAY 27

■ 8 Elizabeth Learns more about Darcy and Wickham （8-2）

Elizabeth experienced a variety of emotions as she read the letter. She was astonished to discover that Darcy was capable of any sort of apology. It was with  strong prejudice against anything he might say that she began reading his explanation of what had happened at Netherfield, and at first she was too angry with him to treat him with justice. But when she went on to read his description of his relationship with Wickham, she hesitated. It was so very different from Wickham's story, which she would have preferred to believe. But after a few moments' thought she realized that Darcy's statement was much more likely to be true. She began to remember several things about Wickham which now appeared strange to her. On the first evening she had met him, he had told the whole story about his lost fortune and the Darcy family to her, a total stranger. Then he had boasted of having no fear of Darcy, but had avoided the Netherfield ball the very next week. In addition, he had waited until the Bingleys and Darcy had left Netherfield before making his accusations public. She reminded herself that no one in Hertfordshire knew anything about Wickham's past, so it was quite possible that he lacked morals, as Darcy said. She had to admit that Darcy himself, though horribly proud, had always shown himself to be a gentleman. Finally, Darcy would certainly not have dared to refer her to Colonel Fitzwilliam, if he were not certain that his cousin could prove these statements.

She became absolutely ashamed of herself. ‘How badly I have behaved!’ she cried. ‘How prejudiced I have been, I who have always been so proud of my ability to judge people! That pride has led me blindly into making a stupid mistake. Flattered by Wickham's interest, and offended by Darcy's coolness, I have misjudged both of them. Till this moment, I never knew myself.’

She reread what Darcy had to say about Jane, and this time was forced to admit that Jane had displayed few outward signs of her feelings for Bingley. Charlotte had even commented on it. Then when Elizabeth looked again at Darcy's comments on her family's behaviour, her sense of shame was very great, and she could not deny the justice of his words. Feeling more miserable than she had ever felt before, she slowly returned to the Rectory, where she had difficulty in maintaining a cheerful appearance.

Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam left Rosings the next day, and were sadly missed by their aunt,  who now had so little entertainment that she invited the Collinses and their visitors several times that week. As Elizabeth only had a few days left before the end of her visit, she thought it fortunate that most of her time was occupied. When she had a moment to herself, it was a great relief to walk outside in the garden or the park, alone with her thoughts. She soon knew Mr. Darcy's letter by heart.  Although she was still angry with him for the proud, overconfident way in which he had proposed, her anger turned against herself when she considered how unjustly she had criticized and accused him. She respected his character and felt pity for his disappointment, but did not for a moment regret her refusal,  or have the slightest desire to see him ever again.

She was saddened when she thought of her family. Her father enjoyed laughing at Kitty's and Lydia's foolishness so much that he never attempted to control his two youngest daughters, and her mother, whose own behaviour was far from correct, was completely unaware that anything was wrong. And poor Jane! It now appeared that Bingley's affection had been sincere, and Jane's disappointment had been indirectly caused by the behaviour of her own near relations.

On Saturday morning Elizabeth said goodbye to her friend Charlotte, feeling sorry to leave her with such a husband. But Charlotte, although regretting the departure of her visitors, appeared quite content with her domestic arrangements. Mr. Collins took care to say to Elizabeth, before she left, ‘I do hope, my dear Miss Elizabeth, that you will be as happy in marriage as I am. My dear Charlotte and I have one mind and one way of thinking. We seem to be made for each other.’

‘It is most fortunate when that is the case,’ was all that Elizabeth could safely reply.

By midday she had arrived in London, where she had arranged to stay a few days at her aunt's house. There was, however, no opportunity to discuss Mr. Darcy's letter with Jane, until they both reached Longbourn again, at the end of the week.

It was pleasant to be at home again, but Elizabeth was very conscious of her younger sisters's illness. They were full of the sad news they had just heard, that the regiment was leaving Meryton in two weeks’ time and would be staying for the summer in Brighton, a holiday town on the south coast. Lydia and her mother were trying hard to persuade Mr. Bennet to take them to Brighton too, for several months, as the summer would be so miserable in Hertfordshire without the officers. Fortunately, Elizabeth felt sure her father would not agree to this foolish idea.

When she and Jane were alone, she told her sister about Darcy's proposal of marriage. Jane was astonished, but soon her sisterly feelings made her think it quite natural, and her kind heart felt pity for Darcy's disappointment. However, when she heard about George Wickham's wickedness, as explained in Darcy's letter, she was deeply shocked. After some discussion, the sisters decided not to tell anyone what they knew about Wickham, as he would soon be leaving Meryton in any case.

Elizabeth felt greatly relieved by this conversation. She had got rid of two of her secrets, and was certain of a willing listener in Jane, whenever she might wish to talk again of either. But she dared not tell the third, and explain to Jane how sincere Bingley's feelings for her had been. She could see that Jane was not happy, because of her continued warm affection for Bingley.  However, there seemed little chance of Bingley marrying her now, and Elizabeth did not want to deepen Jane's feelings of regret for her lost happiness.