The Do’s and Don’ts of Intercultural Marriage

A)

Intercultural marriages---marriages between people of different faiths, races and geographic regions---have become commonplace in American society. Still, such marriages are complicated and suchcouples see high divorce rates, so the relationships need extra attention. As amatter of fact, experts point to three issues that frequently cause misunderstandings and fights.

B)

The first is speaking styles. Depending on what culture people are from, they will differ in how loudly and quickly they speak, and how they argue, tease and listen. In a high-involvement speaking culture, such as Italian, Brazilian and Greek, people frequently offer comments. Arguing over a minor point may be a way of getting close, while failing to respond may be taken by the speaker as a sign of indifference. In a Scandinavian or Japanese culture, on the other hand, a person may regard arguing as a verbal attack.

C)

Second, disagreement frequently occurs overchild raising. Couples are often shocked when they become parents and realize that they have very different understandings of how kids should act. Specifically, discipline, expectation of appropriate gender behavior, types of toys and the teaching of manners are very much culturally derived. Two people may be attracted to each other because they found their difference to be a source ofpleasure, yet bringing up children differently from the way they grew up raises an awareness of otherness which can create tension, anxiety and even fear of difference.

D)

Third, disharmony can result from differing cultural attitudes toward the extended family. The Rosenbaums recall hearing from a Hindu-Christian couple; the man’s Hindu family joined them on their honeymoon. “To the Hindu family, marriage was not about two individuals but rather about two families. Thus it was incomprehensible why the whole familycould not come along and have all their meals with them,” says Mary Rosenbaum.

E)

How can intercultural couple cope andmaintain a loving relationship when faced with multiple road blocks? Here are some strategies:

*Learn all you can about your partner’sculture---become familiar with his background with nut having to changeyourself to the other’s style. For instance, does being Greek mean taking pridein Greek culture and history or taking a trip to Greece every summer to visitdistant relatives? Does saying you want to raise a child as a Catholic mean going to Mass every Sunday or having a very traditional Christmas?

F)

*In reality, many such subjects are notforeseen before marriage. Renegotiation is possible and

sometimes essential. Frank discussion can go a long way toward healing a wound, whereas silence can cause a slow erosion(销蚀)of the relationship.

*Communicate with in-laws. It is wrong to assume that older people are incapable of change or that they won't talk about cultural issues. It is also wrong to assume there's a perfect time to discuss tough issues-there isn't. With in-laws, make it clear that you are not tryingto hurt them.

G)

* Be tolerant. "You need to allow formore than one right way of doing things, "says Dot Lin, the lawyer. Sheclears dishes off the table to accommodate her husband's desire for a cleantable, and he doesn't protest when she leaves them in the sink for a while.

H)

* Recognize differences in conversation styles. Sometimes it helps to ask your partner if he or she

might react differently if you change the way you say something.

*Be optimistic about raising bicultural children. Growing up in a bicultural family can offer children a rich background. It's important not to compete for the children's interest but rather to let them see who you are and where you come from.

Read the following statements. Each statementcontains information given in one of the sections of the text. Identify the section from which the information is derived. You may choose a section morethan once. Each section is marked with a letter. Put the corresponding letter at the front.